#chasepartyof7

Listen, I’m fine.

Yes. My hands are full.

I’m in one of the toughest stages of life. At least that’s what I hear.

My parents are aging and sometimes require my attention. Even if they don’t want it and aren’t willing to admit it. So I’m basically a member of the ‘sandwich generation’. Even if I don’t want to admit it.

I am, without doubt, smack dab in the middle of what seem to be some of my busiest adult years yet. I’m juggling two jobs, sports practices, school drop-off lines, wrestling matches, all the household things…and appointments with my aging parents.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe. Like, actually breathe.

I still have sleepless nights. They just don’t consist of bottle feedings and diaper changes. They are waiting on a response to the goodnight text I sent to the kids that aren’t home yet. Or checking on my parents because I need that peace of mind before I close my eyes. Or just overthinking. Everything.

I miss the bottle feedings and diaper changes.

I’ll admit, days often get away from me. And the older I get, the faster they go. And the faster they go, the more I worry I’m going to miss something.

It flies by. All of it.

Life has shown me how quickly a moment can become a memory.

And that is sobering. And terrifying.

And my reality.

But, still.

Life.

It’s a lot somedays.

But. I would’t change this crazy-busy life of mine for anything. Busy means I have things to do and people who need me. And that’s an honor I will never take for granted. Being that person for so many people means everything to me.

Yes, my hands are full.

But, man. You should see my heart.

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I had an unexpected day off of work today. And days like today are rare. No sick kids, no appointments or errands, nothing pressing to handle.

It was exactly what I didn’t know I needed.

Today was a true mental health day. Or maybe a physical health day. My mind and body are equally tired.

So today, I took my time. When was the last time I did that?

I’m ashamed to admit how many times my kids have asked me why I’m always in a hurry. Or why I always walk so fast. It breaks my heart to know they want me to slow down. I’m just not in that phase of my life right now.

But it’s passing by….

So today, I remembered to breathe. I took a deep breath. Lots of them. I looked around. I paid attention. I noticed things. And I soaked it all in.

I saw my normal everyday life from a slowed down perspective and with fresh eyes.

Rested eyes. 

And what a sight it was.

I saw my boys. I watched them get up late, rush around, be irresponsible, forget wrestling shoes, bicker a little, and run out the door.

I saw them change their clothes-more than once, check their shoes, fix their hair, take selfies, and search for their keys.

I got to hear my littlest guy beg for ‘one more inch of sleep’ when I flipped his light on…and then witness the smile that came across his tired face when he heard my voice.

And whatever he meant by one more inch of sleep; I felt it. So I sat next to him and scratched his back for one more inch.

I got to drive him to school, too. We listened to his favorite songs and sang like we didn’t have a care in the world. Because we didn’t. Not in that moment.

We laughed hard enough to lose our breath and he squeezed my hand when I told him I would pick him up after school. I needed that squeeze more than he will ever know.

He knew I was present.

And hopefully his perception of me changed. At least a little. Or an inch.

As long as he knows that I loved every single second of our morning together, that’s enough.

And I know there will be more crazy days, more sleepless nights, and more moments when I can barely catch my breath. I know I still have days that I will question everything and nights when I’ll feel like I’ve failed everyone.

But I had today.

Taking the time to live all the moments…the precious, unimportant, fleeting, everyday moments that make up my crazy ordinary life.

The overlooked moments.

The funny moments.

The quiet moments.

The core memory moments with the people that mean the most to me.

They fill my heart and make every day worth the next.

And that’s what it’s all about.

So, yeah.

I’m doing fine.